It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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