idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
