I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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