It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
