My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
