My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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