well I can't set my house on fire every night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
