Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize