dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
