Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
