The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
