You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
