Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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