giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
