We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
