and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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