Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize