I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
