i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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