Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
