Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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