Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
