How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
