Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We are two peas in an std pod
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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