dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
