I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize