It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
