I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
