Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
