just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
