i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
