3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
