Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
