After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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