Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
