GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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