Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
