Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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