You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
