I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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