I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
