Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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