So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
