moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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