There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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