she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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