can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
