i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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