he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
