I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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