he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
