Fuck appropriateness.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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