I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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