Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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