Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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