And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
