i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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