I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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