i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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