morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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