apparently the secret to your success is patron
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize