my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize