Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
