The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
