he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
