the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
