even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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