Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
