dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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