well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
