Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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