weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
A bitchslap is in order.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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