god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
