Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
