please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
