My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize