i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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