I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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