This is not my ceiling
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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