apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
