If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
