you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
