I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
