Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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