Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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