You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
