she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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