I think my fart just growled at me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
