Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize