I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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