i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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