I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
