i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
