I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
smell my finger.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize