Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
