I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize