I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
this hospital has no fireball
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
