I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
