at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize