and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
