dude i'm inner monologue high
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My vagina is officially offended.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
