I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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