cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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