Don't you send me to vm
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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