End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
